On the subject of Breasts....

Boobs, tits, whatever you wanna call 'em. They're there (!) and every woman has them no matter how large or small, perky or saggy. Yet while they are a part of every woman's physical body and her consciousness, I have really huge boobs, and thus a particularly boobie-filled perspective on life. As such, I feel I'm entitled to this rant.

Currently I'm looking at an episode of "What Not to Wear," one of my newest guilty pleasures. The woman being made over is this gorgeous red head who has the tiniest, most petite frame you can imagine (probably a size -2). Her biggest hang up about her body - the reason she returns to again and again for dressing so badly - is that she is self conscious about her "large" boobs. Now if anyone can relate to this issue, it would be me. But even I, the girl sized 32HUGE, has figured out slowly but surely, how to dress fantastically with my top heavy shape.

Now her solution to covering them up was to wear fleece and hoodies all the time, so at the start of the episode I was willing to give her the benefit of the doubt. I understand that in proportion to one's body, a cup size that would be "normal" or "average" for a woman built like me, would actually be huge on a woman who is as small as the red head. But when she went shopping and began to try on clothes that fit, and then complained that she was exposing her "boobs" I couldn't help but sit in my apartment (by myself) and scream at the tv, "YOU HAVE NO BOOBS!!!!!"

I really can't tell you how much it pains me to listen to women complain about the size of their "large" breasts (and I'm a dancer so I hear it a lot), when they have NO idea what that really means. I don't understand why women can not be happy with the way the God made them. You are beautiful and perfect in every way, even if you don't look like your best friend or the woman on the cover of Vogue. I've always said (and I still believe this through and through) that the ONLY reason an unhappy thought may have ever crossed my mind in regards to my body, is because I'm a dancer. Our bodies are the instrumentation through which we make art and/or entertain and/or make money. We spend each and every day developing, training and often scrutinizing ourselves, so yes, I have had doubts about my features. But outside of that arena, I KNOW I am fabulous and no one can tell me different.

So please ladies, get off it! Thank God for what you have (or don't have)! Know that if I could donate, I probably would, but I can't, so I won't. And please, please, please learn to distinguish whether you are a part of the I.B.T.C. (itty bitty titty committee) or not... and then learn to love it!