Tonight was my debut at the University of Iowa Dance Department Space/Place Theater. It was the first time I have performed modern dance in a fully produced concert since December 2006. Yes, December 2006.
This hiatus from the stage was not one of choice, but rather forced upon me for reasons I still haven't been able to fully define. All I have come up with are guesstimations and theories about the department and its faculty which I won't get into right here or right now.
This aside, it was nice to dance again. It was nice to get into costume and makeup and be a part of the dressing room pre-performance rituals; to feel the heat of the lights and stare into the darkness of the house; and to put all of your energy into the few minutes you get on stage.
While I r a r e l y get nervous before performing (no stage fright has ever rattled this girl), I have been slightly freaked out over the fact that I am just out of the practice of being on stage. I went from an adolescence that had me performing almost every weekend in every venue imaginable (my dance troupe's version of the chitlin' circuit), to dramatically fewer but at least once a semester dancing in a concert during college, to nothing.
While it has been a difficult pill to swallow over the last year and a half - watching concert after concert in which I knew that I was better suited to be onstage than the ones there - I do believe that everything happens for a reason. What that reason is? Only God knows.
But I am going to enjoy my last two performances this weekend, and I look forward to the two concerts in April when I get to dance again.
It makes me happy, it really really does.