It has been simultaneously joyful and stressful. The joys of I'm a working artist! I'm making dances! And people are paying me to do it! has often been curbed by the stress of maintaining the jobs that keep my head above water. Just the other day I told my mother, "More and more, my job is getting in the way of my work."
I'm happy. My plot to take over the world (aka make dances by and for the people) is coming to fruition. No over night success here, but rather lots of slow and steady, just keep swimming, say your prayers every night, over a cliff-faithfulness.
My colleague-peer-sisters have been key to this. We are full steam ahead in pursuit of
But even with all the loving support, there is a toll. Over this past Christmas holiday, I took two weeks in Baltimore to lay. My body and spirit were desperate for some TLC and QFT (Quality Family Time, word to my 10th grade history teacher Judy Pittenger). I knew that, but I did not really know until I was soaking it all up. I came back refreshed, restored and committed to deciphering what my self-care plan can be moving forward. Yet and still, this weekend is the first real break I have had since.
In January, I wrote my directives for 2014 on my chalk board: self care, create change, move forward with love. The first has proven harder than imagined even though I know the "S" on my chest stands for Sydnie, not Superwoman. This artist-entrepreneurial-social change work does not happen magically. I try hard to remain transparent about that. All I wanna do is dance and make dances, and be healthy and wealthy in the process. Still the questions remain: What is balance? What is sustainability? What practices are restorative to me, when I am always giving so much? How can I map these into my life on a daily, weekly, monthly, quarterly and annual basis? Even more, how can I be prepared to shift these answers as my life continues to change, grow and prosper?
This weekend, I am on a #sistercation with my sister (stister). We both have been in dire need of rest and restoration. We live in separate places and though we speak often, rarely get to spend days together soaking up each other's light, replenishing one another's spirit in the process. We both feel like we are at tipping points in our lives and together this weekend, we are trying to answer some of these important questions. This process is magic.
This artist life I am living is risky work, and the adverse effects of those risks are manifesting. So I am focusing on the healing powers of sister-magic. Trying to figure out the ways to bottle it up and keep it close to my heart because it is so necessary. So very very necessary.