Dating at that point was just for fun; an extra-curricular social activity second to the work of school. Yes. I cared about the men who I spent time with, some very deeply. There was at least one real love there, maybe more. But they weren't my priority, and they shouldn't have been, as I was taught. Or should they have been?
Go to school, work hard, get a good job. You can do anything you put your mind to. These familiar adages preached to me from the moment I stepped into pre-K at Westside Elementary School have stuck to my ribs, the very inner of my being. I've listened and followed the directions necessary to achieve my career goals to a T and it's worked out just fine; but what about my goals for my social and family life? I know that I want to be married and have children, in addition to being a brilliant dancer and choreographer. They are equal life desires. I know I'm not meant to live my whole life as a solo artist. I do indeed enjoy independence, and treasure the opportunity to be SYDNIE!, but at some point SYDNIE! needs and wants a permanent companion.
Where is the advice for your five year old to help her achieve her relationship goals? If I could be taught before I understood what it is to be grown up, how to be a successful career woman, why was I not also taught how to achieve a family, if that's what I want?
I was reading over on ABelleinBrooklyn.com recent posts about Entitlement. Belle's blog entry facilitates a discussion about women feeling entitled and deserving of a man, because they have achieved certain milestones career wise in life.
I did a roundtable recently with some single men and (without giving too much away) one of the gentlemen, 30, pursuing an Ivy League advanced degree, brought up an observation that he’s noticed while dating:
[some] women feel that, because I went to the top HBCU, I went to the Ivy League, and I have a certain type of salary, I’m entitled to a certain type of man. Wrong. Wrong. You’re not entitled. You did that for yourself, not for us.He added:
I couldn't agree with this man more. It doesn't make sense that you should all of a sudden magically have what you want relationship-wise because your career is on point. If you worked for your career and made that work, why wouldn't you also work for the man you want? It doesn't make sense to me that if you really want a lasting relationship, that you put it on the back burner first and only when the job is just right, you bring it forward. At what point are we suppose to transition from love and relationships being an extra-curricular activity to being a priority? Do we have to choose?I refuse to settle for a woman who bases their romantic decisions on biological and social-economical clocks. Okay, you got your career you wanted. You got everything you wanted. Now you want kids. So now you want to marry me? That doesn’t make sense.
Is there a plan for love?